did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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