I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
