I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
