and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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