Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
