I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
