Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
