Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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