So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
