it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
