i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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