She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
