just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
