So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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