The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize