Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
