but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
