went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
