; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
