At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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