If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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