she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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