be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
