I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
