I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
A+ Viking dick
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
