I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
