Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
