We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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