Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize