dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
