Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
