I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
