cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
