yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
are you so shy because you have an std?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
