She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize