ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What drink are we having for lunch?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
