I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
