Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
