if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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