He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
