You made me cry and you don't even care
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize