We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
