and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
