I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
