my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
