How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
