Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
