I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
