how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
