I met the friendliest cop last night
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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