This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
