I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
