What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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