All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
