Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
