Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Are my feet made of real feet?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
