i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
