Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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