just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
