Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish you could order shots online.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
