could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
