You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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