my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
