I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
