check it out our google latitudes are spooning
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
