On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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