the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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