I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
